I don't think that I fully appreciated Office Space until I started working in a cube.

Dear Abby,

My hair is not food. When you pull and bite on my hair, that will usually result in the furball -- that's you -- getting bumped off the back of the couch by the sudden motion of my head.

Please make a note of this.

The Human Can Opener

What I Learned Tonight, By Amy, Age 28

Letting oil heat on the stove for five minutes while pre-registering for an EKG is a Very Bad Idea. This will result in foot-high flames shooting out of the pot, and momentary panic while trying to remember what you're supposed to do with grease fires.

Which in turn results in filling the apartment with smoke. And realizing that one's smoke detector apparently doesn't work all that well, since the smoke is burning one's throat and the smoke detector isn't going off.

And thus making the decision that tomorrow, when buying a fire extinguisher, carbon monoxide detector, and some bedroom shelving, that we are buying another smoke detector and a ladder so we can change the smoke detector batteries.